Bodyecstatic.com sexual intimacy

How to deepen Sexual intimacy!

What helped me to understand sexual intimacy was the understanding of 3 basic modes of sexuality.

Sexual Trance, one or both partners focus on their body sensations.
Partner connection, one or both partners have a energetic, romantic emotional connection.
Role playing, for example acting out fantasies.

Al three modes can have different levels of depth or intensity.

Deep sexual trance would be like altered states of consciousness, even like a drug high. Talking is a distraction to this sexual style and the eyes are closed. The other partner can feel tuned out if he or she can't follow the other partner into the trance.

Partner engagement is about your emotional sexual intimacy bond with your partner. Generally there is lots of eye contact and hugging and kissing. Society generally pushes this version of sex. Good sex for this mode is merging with your partner and on a deep level becoming one.

Role playing involves acting out fantasies. Setting and props become important to set the scene. Many couples find this style most difficult of the 3. The role playing mode takes 2 mature adults to act out different roles in sex and not to be challenged and close down.

Men generally like sexual trance and women tend to like the sexual intimacy romantic partner connection. A lot of women want to be in love before sex occurs and value the connection and emotional aspects of sex. However this is a generalization as I have been with women who go totally inward and I am like a travel agent taking them for a ride. My personal style is a combination of the first 2. I do find it a challenge to my communication skills to be with a women that never really wants to touch you or connect with her eyes or use her voice to let out her energy as this takes her out of her trance state. I hope to grow to enjoy role playing as it can be a lot of fun.

Everyone can have a different preference of 1 or 2 modes. Problems can occur if one person likes one mode and the other person likes another. No one mode is better than the other. A balanced adult uses all 3 modes and this results in sex having a diversity, depth and joy. This makes sex different every time! One really needs to grow up and be differentiated to do this. Contrary to popular belief the best sex is usually with adults that are 50 or over!! 18 year olds men might have a great erection etc but many can't make a very deep sexual intimacy connection with their lover.

For more information, I very highly recommend David Schnarch's book Passionate Marriage.

Is your sex boring?

I suggest if your sex life is boring then develop partner connection for hotter sex. I find the more connected I am with my partner the more fulfilling sex is. One question I ask my clients is...

How often do you orgasm with your eyes open?

Partner connection is characterized by eyes open during sex. THis deepens sexual intimacy and is very challenging for a lot of people who are not really connected during sex. Their bodies might connect but the connection of their spirit can be non existent. However is you want to change your sex life you have to try different, somewhat fearful new behaviors. Try opening your eyes and connecting with your partner. See if you can even have an orgasm when looking into your partners eyes! Its pretty hard to be in a trance state with our eyes open looking at your lover.

One can kiss with eyes open and then move back a little to really look at your lover. Then move in for another kiss etc. Kissus interruptus!

David Schnarch recommends a practice of sexual intimacy of hugging to relaxed. Stand balanced on our own two feet. Put your arms around your partner. Focus on yourself and relax right down. Really relax. Take minutes or longer in the practice. As you settle down you can find you breath starts to go in time with each other and a connection develops. I personally have found a few times that I can go in a energy orgasm in time with my lovers orgasms from this practice with no sex at all. See David's book for more information on this simple practice.

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