When you get a
woman's number and you're picking up the phone to
call and "ask her out", does it bother
you?
Do you get freaked
out?
Do you start
thinking about exactly what you're going to say,
how you're going to say it, how to deal with her
rejecting you... etc.?
Do you ever get
NERVOUS when you're dialing the phone?
You know that
feeling when you just start getting anxious for
no logical reason, and you just CAN'T control it?
Have you ever had
to actually HANG UP because you were so damn
freaked out... and you just couldn't follow
through with it?
OK, now another
set of interesting questions...
Have you ever
called a woman, and started talking to her, only
to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different
mood from the last time?
Have you ever had
a woman "turn cold" on you all of a
sudden?
It's almost like
you're talking to a different person from the
girl you met just a day or two before... and it
makes no sense to you... right?
And finally...
Have you ever
worked up the nerve to call, gotten her on the
phone, had a great conversation, but when it came
time to ask her out, you froze up because you
didn't know what to say?
Or even worse,
have you ever gotten to the end of the
conversation and asked her out, only to have her
answer with:
"Well, maybe... call me Friday afternoon...
OK?"
or...
"Actually, I'm going to be busy all this
week, but thanks for asking... (silence)"
...?
Have you ever had
one of those conversations where you could just
TELL that something wasn't right... and that she
wasn't going to be taking you up on your date
offer, or calling you back at all anytime soon?
So why all the
problems?
What is it about
this particular few minutes of time that
constantly ends in problems for guys?
I personally think
that this issue comes down to a few key DEEPER
ISSUES.
And I think that
if you don't have these other issues "handled",
you're going to keep running into problems... and
NEVER even know WHY...
...which sucks.
I mean, it's bad
enough to keep having a particular problem and
not figure out how to solve it... but the idea
that the solution is in doing something you would
never think of is a little bit maddening.
In other words, I
think that this is all about understanding the
problem, and actually PREVENTING it from coming
up... rather than trying to "solve it"
in the moment.
Let me put it this
way...
If you're dialing
the phone, and you're starting to feel nervous,
then it's already too late to solve the problem.
No quick fix will
help you.
Or if you're on
the phone with her and you have just asked her
out on a date, and she says "Um, let me call
you back in a few days and tell you"... and
you start to get that sinking feeling because you
know she's blowing you off... IT'S TOO LATE.
There's no "magic
pill" at this point.
The answer is
PREVENTION.
THE MAGIC FORMULA
So let's take a
few minutes and talk about the issues and what
CAUSES them.
Here are some of
the "root causes", and how I see them...
1) Having no other options.
If you're sitting
at the phone with ONE phone number in your hand,
and you haven't been out on a date in a long
time, and you are feeling DESPERATE, you're
probably going to get VERY nervous.
When you have no
other options, the single one in front of you
becomes VERY valuable.
Translation: You
want it TOO badly.
This AUTOMATICALLY
triggers your emotional system, because at some
level you realize that if you screw this up, it's
all over. And you know that it's all going to
happen in just an few SECONDS.
The pressure is
too much!
2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.
Now, if you have a
girl that you've been dating for six months, and
you've decided that she's one in a million, it
makes sense to put a lot of importance on your
relationship with her.
But if you don't
know a girl very well, or you haven't even dated
her at all, then you are only setting yourself up
for major disappointment by putting too much
importance on ANY girl.
3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.
This is a HUGE
issue.
Most men "unconsciously"
behave and communicate like they're trying to
IMPRESS the woman of their desires.
When you think
about this, it only makes sense... of course
you'd want to impress the woman you like... so
she'll think you're a cool guy and want to be
with you.
But have you ever
thought for a moment how an interesting,
attractive woman sees it when a guy is TRYING to
IMPRESS her?
Well, here's the
INSTANT and UNCONSCIOUS response that women have:
"He's trying
to hard. There's something wrong. This guy must
have something he's trying to hide... and he must
be pretty insecure."
In other words,
the INSTANT you do something or say something
that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman,
her radar system screams:
"WUSSY!"
4) Having expectations and being attached to them.
You might think of
this one as a variation of "wanting it too
much"... only slightly different.
When you start
getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin
to get ATTACHED to them.
Then you run the
risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little
fantasy.
Bad idea.
Women don't date
guys who assume too much, act too comfortable, or
fall for them too quickly.
Remember,
beautiful women have guys falling for them left
and right.
In fact, they
almost EXPECT guys to go out on one or two dates
with them, then say "You know, I really like
you..." and other equally predictable
sentiments.
Just like being
desperate can destroy your chances with a woman,
liking a woman too much, too fast, and creating
expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as
well.
Now, think over
what I just said...
I'm basically
saying that if you want to cure the problem of
freaking out when you call women to ask them out,
and the problem of screwing it up when you have
that first conversation and ask them out the
first time, then you have to go INSIDE first...
and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.
And the GOOD NEWS
is that this stuff is not only good for you, it
also helps you get even MORE dates with
interesting women.
So here's what to
do about this particular problem:
1) Get more options.
If you go out one
evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a
REALLY hot girl... and you wind up having a fun
conversation, and getting her number, what should
you do?
RIGHT! Go get at
least ONE MORE girl's number. More, if you can.
This way, when
you're picking up the phone to call (or sending
out emails, or whatever), you've got another
woman to call right after her...
In other words, if
it doesn't go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.
Instead of putting
all your "hopes" in this one situation,
go get more options... this will prevent many
problems, as well as giving you more women to
date!
And think about it...
when are you MOST likely to get a woman's phone
number? When are you the most likely to be in a
great mood that actually ATTRACTS women?
Exactly... in the
moments after you've already gotten another
woman's number.
So take advantage
of this time!
2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out
with this girl.
I have news for
you: Most women have something about their
personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is
going to disqualify them from being good "potential
mates" for you.
Now, I'm not
saying that "all women are screwed up",
etc.
What I AM saying
is that you need to realize that the only reason
you're freaking out so much is because your
EMOTIONS are running the show.
You need to think
about how rare it is that you actually meet a
girl that is COMPATIBLE with you... that you'd
enjoy spending time with even if she wasn’t
good-looking.
If you have this
in mind as you're dialing the phone, you won't
have that "I'm desperate" vibe going on.
You won't be
talking like a guy who has a gun to his head,
either... which is a good thing... because women
get weirded-out by this kind of thing.
3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what
you're doing, and then tell her she can come
along if she wants.
Why is "asking
a woman out" early on a bad idea? Because if
you don't have a world-class understanding of
male/female dynamics, you're going to come across
as a guy who is trying to use food as date-bait.
In other words, if
the first thing out of your mouth is "I'd
like to take you out to dinner" it's going
to be interpreted as "I don't think you're
probably going to accept an invitation to spend
time with me unless I throw in something extra...".
Weak.
And that's how SHE
sees it.
The alternative?
Tell her that
you're going to be doing something, and that she
should join you.
"Hey, I'm
going to go down to Starbucks and get a cup of
tea. You should join me. I'm way more fun than
whatever else you were going to do... and that's
a fact!"
Extra bonus points:
Hint that she's
missing out if she doesn't accept immediately.
If she hems and
haws, or hesitates... just interrupt and say
"Hey, you're the one who's missing out".
I also like "You
know, never mind. I guess you don't like to have
fun...".
Great stuff!
This is solid
Cocky & Funny material, and it's the right
time to use it.
You know, I
personally used to get VERY freaked out when
calling women for the first time on the phone...
and "asking them out".
Now that I
understand this particular "moment in time"
better, and now that I understand more of the
"dynamics" of what's going on, I get
MUCH better results personally...
In fact, I never
get "nervous" anymore when calling
women, and I rarely if EVER have a woman "flake
out" on me.
Now, in this
newsletter I've shared a few points to help you
get better results in this particular area. Use
them. They'll definitely help you.
You should read
this newsletter right before you call every one
of the next 10 women you meet... in fact.
But as you can
probably tell, this is just one of MANY important
facets of success with women.
In fact, this is
just scratching the surface of the skills you'll
need if you want to have CONSISTENT success with
the most DESIRABLE women.
The reality of
this situation is that if you want to take
control of this area of your life, and not walk
helpless with women anymore, you're going to need
to take more steps to get yourself educated on
this topic.
When a woman
starts doing something subtle that you would have
never noticed before, you'll SEE it... and she'll
SEE that you see it... and you will instantly be
talking to her on a DIFFERENT LEVEL... all
because you know something that most other guys
don't.
When you encounter
"resistance" or "problems" or
"tests" from women, you will no longer
need to get nervous or upset, because you'll know
what TO DO about it... and when you actually DO
the right thing you'll see that problem disappear.
The point that I'm
trying to make is that this education will not
only teach you techniques for meeting women, it
will also give you a new POWER that you never had
before.
Click the link
below to sign up for my free newsletter.
David DeAngelo is the author
of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man
Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women",
and has taught thousands of men how to be more
successful with women and dating.
