What
Women HATE Most About Single Guys and how attraction works.
By
David DeAngelo
What is
Attraction. If
you listen to a group of attractive, single women
talking alone over dinner or drinks, the topic
will always turn to MEN.
And in most cases, it will eventually turn into a
RANT session about how hard it is to find good
men to date...
Which will lead to a FULL-ON RAG SESSION about
men in general...
...And wind up with a detailed list of all the
traits guys have that are ANNOYING AS HELL.
The reality is that single women have an entire
laundry list of traits, qualities, and
characteristics that they HATE in single guys.
Did you know this?
I didn't think so.
Well, the truth is that up until a few years ago,
I didn't know this either.
So take heart in the idea that you're about to
learn something that most men on this planet will
DIE not knowing.
My hope is that what I'm about to share with you
will change how you interact with women FOREVER...
and help you meet and date more of the kinds of
women you're interested in.
Onward.
FRIENDSHIPS AND ROMANCE
For women, friendships and romantic relationships
are two separate things. They are NOT the same.
One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it
happens.
Remember that.
One CAN lead to another, but it's RARE.
"Romantic" relationships are very
different from "friend" relationships.
While most men would sleep with most of their
female "friends" if the woman "came
on" to them, most women would NOT sleep with
most men that they consider "just friends".
But why is this?
How do women differentiate between "just
friends" and "I'll be intimate with you"?
And why is it so hard to become "more than
friends" with a woman you've been "just
friends" with for a long time?
The answer to this riddle is very interesting to
me.
I believe that the answer comes down to
understanding HOW women "know" when
they want to "be intimate" with a man...
and, even MORE
importantly, understanding how women "know"
when they DON'T want to "be intimate"
with a man...
The thing that tells a woman whether the guy
she's with is "friend" material or
"lover" material is how she FEELS.
It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and
PHYSICAL feelings.
It is NOT logic.
She might USE logic to "rationalize"
her decision... or she might USE logic to SOUND
like she has a good reason for either "being
with" or
"not being with" a particular guy.
But don't let that distract you.
Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.
So let me say this another way.
A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or
physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the
basis for her "decisions" and actions
with a
particular guy.
If she feels that "Ewwww Yuck!"
feeling, then her "logical" conclusion
will probably not be that she wants to date the
guy in question.
If she feels that "It's Gettin' Hot In Here"
feeling, then her "logical" conclusion
will probably be that this guy is interesting and
attractive, and a good "choice" to date.
At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings
and thoughts...
It goes like this:
FEEL--->THINK--->ACT
First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN
the action.
Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an
important question:
How do most guys behave around women that they're
"romantically" interested in?
And another:
What do they do to get the woman that's the
object of their desires to be with them?
Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a
list if you have paper and pen handy.
I'm serious. I'll wait.
Come back when you're finished.
Now take a look at your list.
I'll bet that almost every single thing on your
list was something "external".
In other words, your list probably contains
things like "Take her to dinner" and
"Give her compliments" and "Buy
her flowers" and "Call
her often".
These are all things that demonstrate that he's
INTERESTED.
They are NOT things that trigger those emotional
and physical feelings inside of a woman that tell
her that THIS IS THE GUY.
In other words, men try to use "props"
to LET A WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED...
...HOPING that when the woman sees these displays
she'll be interested in him.
Almost NONE of the things men do to court women
make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to
"Attraction" and "Arousal".
Of course, you know this.
You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion
times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try
OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that
I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in
a "romantic" way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it
makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once.
First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go.
Telling or showing a woman that you "like
her" has no effect on how she feels about
YOU.
In the moment it sure seems to make sense...
"If I show her how I feel, she'll return the
feelings".
Duh.
Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do
in the moment (when your inner little girl has a
big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO
effect on her feelings for you.
And second, it communicates clearly that YOU
DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that
you're not hip to what's going... and it
kills your chances with her.
Say what?
You mean that doing nice things for women, and
trying to show how you feel can actually HURT
your chances with a woman?
Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively
for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK
to buy her a gift and tell her that you like
spending time with her.
YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you
try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot
yourself in the foot.
Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T
GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're
trying to compensate for the fact that
you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then
you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the
case may be).
Remember what I'm about to tell you.
Burn it into your mind.
Write it on a sticky-note and put it on your
computer monitor...
SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WATCH MEN TRY TO WIN
THEM OVER ALL DAY LONG. THEY KNOW WHEN A GUY
DOESN'T "GET IT"... AND
THEY'RE ANNOYED WHEN A GUY WHO DOESN'T "GET
IT" JUST KEEPS TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING.
Keep in mind that single, attractive women watch
guys do this stuff 24/7. They shake their pretty
heads and say "He doesn't get it... He
doesn't get it... He doesn't get it" over
and over and over.
The point is that if you DON'T GET IT, then
nothing you do is going to work for you.
The problem is bigger than you can imagine, and
you're going to need to take a totally different
road to get where you're going...
WHAT ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HATE MOST ABOUT SINGLE GUYS...
Let's return to where we started.
There are a few particular things that REALLY
annoy single, attractive women.
One of the reasons that these things annoy women
is because they're DEAL KILLERS.
A woman can like everything about you, but if you
do these things (or even ONE of these things), it
can DESTROY your chances of success with a
particular woman.
Here are a few of the BIG things that single
women hate:
1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her
Attention And Approval
If I had to describe the one single thing that
both annoys women and DESTROYS a guy's chances,
it would be this.
It has taken me a long time to see this
particular pattern, but it's EVERYWHERE.
Men, in effect, say "Hi, I want your
approval and attention. I'm willing to let YOU be
the one who's in control... and let YOU call the
shots... and do anything to please YOU... if
you'll give me your attention and
approval".
But the problem is that women DON'T WANT you to
give up your status and "manliness".
Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who act weak and
tentative.
Women secretly HATE IT when a guy does something
to demonstrate that he'll give away his power in
return for approval.
THEY HATE IT!
I could literally write an entire book on this
one single concept.
Take a few minutes to think this one over, and
maybe write down the ways that you make this
mistake with women.
More importantly, think about how you're going to
STOP DOING IT IMMEDIATELY.
2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure
When one person "clings" to another
person "psychologically", the person
who is being "clinged to" RESENTS and
REJECTS the needy,
clingy emotional parasite...
This is WUSS behavior at its worst.
If a guy is on the phone with a girl he just met,
and she says "Hey, I have to go", he
might say "Aw, well... um... OK. Um, will
you call me when you get home?".
Or let's say a guy and a girl are out on their
first date, and they're walking around in a large
department store.
Most guys will follow the woman everywhere, and
not leave her side for a minute.
If she wanders away, he'll come find her
IMMEDIATELY.
He'll stay physically close to her, as if he's
afraid she'll leave without him.
And an even worse example is a guy who is so
emotionally insecure that he actually ASKS a
woman to tell him that he's nice, fun,
interesting, etc.
"Do you think I'm interesting?"
"Do you think we could ever have a
relationship?"
"Am I your type?"
Women HATE this stuff. It makes them shiver with
the heebie-jeebies. It makes them want to RUN
AWAY.
3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get
Her To Lead
Women have WUSS-DAR.
One of the things that triggers a woman's WUSS-DAR
is a man who FOLLOWS.
The REAL problem is that most women won't try to
LEAD naturally.
So you've got a situation where a man is trying
to FOLLOW a woman who isn't LEADING.
He's looking for little cues so he knows where to
go and what to do... but he isn't getting them.
So what does he do?
He ASKS for them!
He says "So, I was thinking of maybe taking
you to Olive Garden for dinner... how does that
sound?".
Everything about the way he asks says to the
woman "I'm trying to figure out what you
want me to do... please help me know how you want
me to act, where you want me to take you, and
what you want me to say".
This is ATTRACTION DEATH!
men who don't lead, and even worse, try to get a
woman to lead, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SINGLE WOMEN.
They HATE IT!
4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status
Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language
There's a term that single, attractive, in-demand
women use to describe men who use weak, approval-seeking
posture, gestures,
comments, and mannerisms...
The term is "NICE".
"He's nice... but... there's no chemistry."
This is one of those areas that's not easy to
talk about.
Since SO DAMN MANY GUYS do this stuff, it's
almost impossible to explain.
It's like trying to tell a fish that they're not
going to get anywhere in life
if they stay wet.
The fish doesn't even KNOW it's wet in the first
place.
But let me try.
This is important.
Go spend a day observing couples.
Go places where couples that have just met spend
time together.
Bars, clubs, coffee shops, whatever.
Now watch the GUYS.
Watch how they lean towards the women.
Watch how they raise their eyebrows in
exaggerated response to women's comments.
Watch how they slump over, let their shoulders
fall forward, and smile fake-ly at whatever the
women say.
If you're close enough, listen to how men ask
questions and make comments with a voice tone
that says "I'm insecure and I'm trying
to be extra nice to compensate for it".
You'll see it EVERYWHERE.
In fact, you'll see it so much that you'll
probably write me back to tell me that I'm the
one who's crazy, and that since it happens so
much, it must be "the right way".
Well, it's not.
If there's one thing that triggers an attractive
single woman's WUSS-DAR, it's a man's posture,
gestures, eye contact, voice tone, etc.
It all happens in an INSTANT.
Women read this stuff and interpret it as
instantly and accurately as you read and
interpret the cover of Playboy.
NO ANALYSIS NECESSARY.
I'd say that probably 90% of all men alive today
INSTANTLY disqualify themselves with women
because of this problem.
Their voice tone, gestures, posture, etc.
TELEGRAPH the message that they're a WUSS.
They do a thousand weird little things to let a
woman know that they're uncomfortable and "not
being themselves".
And you guessed it...
Single women HATE IT!
5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And
You're A Man
I'm about to get philosophical on your ass, so be
cool.
When it comes down to it, most men don't
understand women.
But the REAL kicker is that most men don't
understand MEN, either!
Most guys don't know what it's like to get in
touch with their MALE NATURE.
Combine these two issues, and you get a guy who
behaves in ways that DO NOT trigger ATTRACTION in
women.
Women have a "nature". A female nature.
Men also have a "nature". You guessed
it, it's a MALE nature.
Women are coy. They like to play hard to get.
They like to enjoy the chase. They love
anticipation. They love to "let a guy catch
them"...
Men are competitive. Men are dominant. Men like
to play rough games, win things, and rule their
territory.
Well guess what?
Most men don't BEHAVE like men when they're in
the presence of a woman that they "like".
And since most men don't understand female human
nature, they don't demonstrate that they "get
it" when they're with women that they "like".
Women like men. Men like women. There are
POWERFUL causes at play here.
When you're around a woman you like, don't act
like a GIRLY-MAN. It's not sexy, and it's not
attractive...
And single women HATE IT!
6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around
Underneath most behavior that I see most guys
acting out is a "core belief" that goes
like this:
"I don't believe that an attractive woman
would want to be around me just because she
enjoys my presence... so I make up for it by
saying and doing certain things that I hope
she'll enjoy... and if she enjoys those
other things enough, then maybe she'll want to
spend more time with me."
Heavy, man.
Well guess what? Most attractive single women
KNOW that if a guy isn't interesting to be
around, they she's eventually going to go CRAZY
being around him.
In other words, no amount of material gifts,
compliments, dinners, and other "displays"
will EVER compensate for a lack of BEING
INTERESTING.
Here's a profound thought:
I and several other guys I know have many women
who call us often... just because they enjoy
being around us.
These women would be happy just to be in the same
room with us... and enjoy our company.
And yes, these women CALL US.
Often.
Material gifts, food, flowers, and other "displays"
have ZERO lasting value to a woman when it comes
to how she FEELS about you...
An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS
HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD.
She wants mystery... she wants to laugh... she
wants a challenge... she wants sexual tension...
If you're using compliments, gifts, food, and
other "displays" to get a woman's
attention... you need to ask yourself a tough
question:
Is it because you don't believe that a woman
would want to be around you just to be around
you?
Because if you don't know how to be INTERESTING
to a woman, then no amount of compensation is
going to fix the problem.
If you're boring, predictable, and uninteresting,
then you're never going to have women calling YOU
to hang out.
Oh, and women HATE IT.
7) Not Understanding Attraction
This is a BIGGIE.
You hear me talking about it all the time, right?
Maybe now that you've read this newsletter you'll
have a better context to understand what I'm
about to tell you...
If you "get it" with women, it's SUPER
INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE to them.
Women can INSTANTLY FEEL IT when they're with a
guy who "gets it".
Women know very quickly if they're talking to a
guy who understands himself and women... and who
enjoys creating and building sexual tension.
Women know if a guy speaks the SECRET LANGUAGE of
"Sexual Communication".
If he doesn't, then she stops all communication
on that level.
If he does, then it continues.
ATTRACTION Isn't A Choice.
Attraction is an emotional and physical RESPONSE...
and you can't "convince" a woman to
feel it with logic, gifts, and NICENESS.
Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man
who understands how attraction works... and who
knows what to do in each specific
situation to progress to the next level.
The PROBLEM with ATTRACTION, and with success
with women in general is that the things you need
to DO to be successful are NOT
OBVIOUS.
They're "counter intuitive", in many
cases.
In other words, they're the OPPOSITE of what
you'd THINK would make sense.
You have to do things like CREATE TENSION... stop
doing something that she likes... give her time
to miss you... etc.
And if you don't understand ATTRACTION, a woman
is going to KNOW IT.
And guess what?
Single women HATE IT when a man doesn't
understand ATTRACTION and how to communicate on
this "other level".
Now that I've shared the mistakes, you need the
next piece of the puzzle. You need to get an
education on how attraction works for women...
and the RIGHT things to do up front to give her
those emotional/physical feelings inside.
Right now you're probably feeling that excited
"Ah Ha!" feeling.
That's because you understand something at a
different level... you've used your mind to
understand something complex... and you feel good
about bettering yourself.
Well this is just the TIP of the iceberg.
As educational as this has been, this is only the beginning.
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